I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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