You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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