I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
