there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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