My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The power of my boobs compel you
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
