I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was confusing and full of hummus
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
