I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
