M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
