Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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