all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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