I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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