and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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