I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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