we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
home. puking in laundry basket.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
