I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We have so much sex to catch up on
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
