I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
