you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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