Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
