Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sext me about skeletons
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
