Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
