I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
