It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
