I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
