my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
