No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
