Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
