He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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