hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
