i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
