I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
do nipples grow back?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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