Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
