Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
