I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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