They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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