thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
