Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
