i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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