I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
