proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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