I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
