Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Did I show you my penis last night?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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