Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
