I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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