I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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