He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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