the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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