Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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