I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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