Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
