I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
